It’s Not The *Wierdest* Thing I’ve Said Before Coffee!

I’m one of those habitual coffee drinkers who swears upside down and inside out that caffeine does nothing for me – I don’t feel a sudden jolt when it kicks in, and I don’t get a migraine when I switch to decaf or tea when I’m sick. I’ve had two cups most every morning since I was 24 and I can’t recall ever getting the jitters from drinking that much (to me a cup is really a mug, so perhaps I drink 18-20 ounces a day). I could even drink a cup by 8 p.m. and still sleep through the night, though I prefer to wind down with an herbal tea at the end of a long day. Recently though, I’ve realized that I do have a physical reaction to coffee in the mornings — it gives me enough brain power to function like a rational human being. I am literally incapable of clear thought and speech until I have my first cup and it kicks in a little bit. Case in point: yesterday morning I got up at 6:00 and put laundry away while Bill was in the shower. After I packed his lunch, I put my coffee on and started fixing breakfast. By that time, Bill had joined me and I have to admit, he couldn’t have accused me of being alert. I was struggling to get a ziptop bag of granola open and finally gave up, grabbing my kitchen shears. As I cut the bag open, I said, “well there’s more than one way to kill a bird with a stone.” What in the unmitigated hell is that, besides evidence I am screwed if coffee beans ever disappear? Bill started laughing and asked me what killing two birds with one stone had to do with my issue with the granola bag. I had nothing. Thankfully, after a cup of coffee with milk, no sugar, I am at least functional enough to get myself to work but I don’t feel 100% ready to start the day until my second cup. I usually get it between 9:00 and 9:30 at the office, though I’ve  recently started visiting our new Dunkin on the way to work. Not the best of habits, maybe, but if I want to be fully alert before 10 a.m., it’s something I have to do.

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