Fourth And Goal Part III – Twelfth Man

Day Three of my BeKindRewrite Voices Week story. In football, the legend of the twelfth man came from Texas A&M, but in general it is just a way to refer to the fans and the belief that fan support can help a team win a game. This is also an homage to my sister and my freshman year collegiate marching band debut – she was definitely the twelfth man that day.

With nine seconds left, the fans were going insane. Their hearts pounding, they were expending as much energy as the players on the field, screaming until they lost their voices. Some of them stomped their feet, making the metal bleachers ring with the sound of anticipated victory, while others beat their thundersticks in a driving tempo. One man turned and looked behind him at a small pocket of disinterested fans and couldn’t believe what he saw.

“What the hell’s your problem?” he yelled at them, fueled by school spirit and more than a little alcohol. “That’s your team damnit!”

“Oh please,” a student groaned as she continued to tap away at her smartphone.

“Stand up, cheer for your team! What the hell? The Bears need us now!”

His friend had the good graces to look embarrassed and grabbed his arm. “Dude, it’s ok. They’re taking the field.”

As the referee’s whistle blew, the stadium erupted in a roar, the twelfth man carrying the team on his shoulders as the players took the field…

(word count 173…maybe I can do this)

12 thoughts on “Fourth And Goal Part III – Twelfth Man

  1. Pingback: Fourth And Goal Part III – Twelfth Man | Jen’s Rambling Thoughts | Voice Week HQ

  2. I can sort of relate with the disinterest, but at the same time, the whole point of going to a game is to get involved, choose to care. That’s what makes it fun. Good choice making the twelfth man as your third voice! For him, it’s not about pleasing someone else, it’s about being a part of something great. Love it.

    • I wasn’t sure about the third person, I’m glad it worked. This was the easiest to write, I guess because I’d be the one yelling at the fans to support the team, though alcohol wouldn’t be involved. 🙂

  3. Nice! The pacing in this one is steady, pounding and really effective! I didn’t feel like you “told” me anything at all. Well done. 🙂

  4. Wow. What an, uh… “enthusiastic” fan. 😉
    I really like the scene you’ve created here. The character interactions are engaging and the dialogue well-handled.

  5. I think you captured this voice perfectly. If only the fans’ spirit could help the team win!

  6. Well, I have to say I sympathize a little with Disinterested Fans, but it’s interesting to get inside the head of a more boisterous onlooker. Nice job, and don’t worry about the word count! Write to write!

  7. This piece shows the story so much better than your previous piece, it really grabbed my attention, great job with putting this together (and you sure can do it). 🙂

    • Well I guess this was easier to write because I’ve experienced this kind of stuff so often in my life. I know the whole “write what you know” thing is a cliche but sometimes it is easier to write from experience. I’ll never know what it’s like to be a quarterback or a coach’s wife, but I do know what it’s like to be a fan and to get pissed at the people who don’t support the team. I hate to admit it, but this character was loosely based on my sister:)

      • (I won’t tell anyone if you don’t 😉 lol).

        Writing what you know is a great way to start and improve, I find my writes from personal experience are received relatively well to those I have no clue about lol.

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